I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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