It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Never joke about your clitoris.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
