I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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