How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
If that was your dad, he is hot
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize