Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
