i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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