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Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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