It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You dont lie about slip and slides
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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