i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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