That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
