Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
