I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
