Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
