I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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