if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
