I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize