I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
