I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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