She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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