I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize