@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
