Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize