the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
