So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
