So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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