All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
