I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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