clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
