So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
