You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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