Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Randomize
