Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm eating all of the evidence.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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