Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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