grandma shit on top of the toilet
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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