Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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