I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
