You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
