The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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