my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
