i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
