Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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