Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
