i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
