I'm so fucking centered right now
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
