imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
