Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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