I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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