I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you will always have a special place in my vag
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
