so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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