O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
