Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
