I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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