Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
