Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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