look no pants
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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