I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
