I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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