He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
