apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Let's get the cat blown out
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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