My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
