I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
