hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
